what the garden teaches us about community
What Abiding Taught Me About Friendship
How in the world did a godless, lonely little girl end up thriving in the most beautiful community of Christians?!
Community was not a familiar concept known to this military brat - born into a family of struggles, secrets, and shame with parents who were only children with traumatic upbringings themselves. What did I need with this scary unicorn called Community?
Then I met the “husbandman” as the King James calls Him in John 15. The one who would not only teach me to abide unto obedience but show me the love and joy that comes from His tender tending. When I was 18 my friend’s parents explained the Gospel to me, and I became grafted into the True Vine.
Then came the miracle of Russ in my life. This guy had it all – hardworking, wise parents who raised eight amazing human beings on a dairy farm surrounded by family in a midwestern, small town community. The juxtaposition of our upbringings is proof that opposites attract.
Now married but quite the holy mess - which is just when I needed a Rosemary to come along and “bust” me out of my marijuana addiction. Instead of exposing me in my shame, she told me that I was isolated and that I would find community - in of all places - a co-op preschool for my sons. I had no idea that easy-to-miss piece of advice would lead me to where I am today. There I met Kathy who would be the first person to disciple me and introduce me to The Shores Church. Bethany, our teacher, tenderly guided this broken girl on a parenting educational journey. My longest friendships to date come from those few years when I first learned the value of friendship.
The Shores Church was where I discovered the homothumadon and koininia community as described in Acts 2:42. And for nearly 40 years this church has been the garden where I have grown exponentially.
The Shores Church was where I discovered the homothumadon and koininia community as described in Acts 2:42
One thing being a military brat taught me was how to sow seeds of friendship by asking sincere, open-ended questions in order to foster quick connections. My superpower is that I can learn an astounding amount of information about someone in five minutes.
John Maxwell once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” So that skill of sowing friendship seeds really meant nothing until I learned to let Holy Spirit tend the soil of my heart as taught in 1 Timothy 1:5, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.” Clear conscience was by far the hardest part of that edict. It meant that I had to confess all my stuff! EEK! But to whom?!
“The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith.”
Safe friends are rare. I quickly learned that in order to find one, I had to become one. Could I be someone who could keep a confidence or did I like to spill tea? Could I keep a straight face when hearing what I thought to be a ridiculous problem until later I realized I would crumble and stumble in that gal’s shoes? Would someone feel safe confessing to me and asking for accountability? Would I be someone who could accept criticism/blind spots and learn to ask for them? Did this Enneagram 5 even want to?
Safe friends are rare. I quickly learned that in order to find one, I had to become one.
Ecclesiastes 4:9, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” This verse was written in the first Bible given to me by one who is now the longest blooming flower in my friendship garden. I learned to trust the process of confession with accountability through this verse and this friend.
Another longstanding bloom of a friend is one I count on for blind spot therapy. We usually begin the request with, “I need a slap”. Proverbs 27:6 “Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern], But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful [because they serve his hidden agenda].” Straightforward truth is something I treasure because of this chick.
Another bloom in my bouquet taught me the juju of keeping a secret. I have yet to meet a person who knows the value of keeping a confidence like this trustworthy gal. “How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1.
Along this friendship journey I found myself in a season when I seemed to be having the same conversations again and again with the same people over and over again and I was getting annoyed (one of my worst qualities). Enter the wise counsel of Ginny who taught me to “assign” projects for spiritual growth customized to their struggle. Proverbs is full of nuggets worth reading, studying, memorizing and meditating. When I sense a pattern of behavior, I prescribe Scripture. Next time the topic comes up, I ask how the assignment is going. If they have forgotten about the assignment, I stop our conversation and allow them to go work on that assignment. What I learned through this is that people will either grow or go. It’s a pruning of sorts and has proven to me that the Word of God is alive and active and yields much more fruit in the lives of others than any words of mine.
So how in the world did that poor little girl become the richest woman I know? Why don’t you memorize John 15 and get back to me.
