Rebuilding Trust in Community
Healing When it Just Hurts
If you’ve been involved in any church setting for a little while, you’ve probably heard the term “church hurt” thrown around. It’s our term for when someone from the church or Christian community behaves in a way that causes us pain. As a lifelong churchgoer, I’ve definitely experienced my fair share of church hurt—and probably caused it a few times too. The issue with church hurt is that it can often become an excuse. People cite this hurt as their reason to dissolve friendships, leave the church, step away from the Lord—the list goes on. There’s a problem here, though. See, we should never be surprised by sin—even in the church. If we were suddenly sin-free and able to function without ever messing up or hurting one another, we wouldn’t need God.
We should never be surprised by sin—even in the church. If we were suddenly sin-free and able to function without ever messing up or hurting one another, we wouldn’t need God.
Within the church, it is our constant need for sanctification and grace that should bring us together. The Bible makes it pretty clear that once we receive Christ, we are to dwell together as one body or family in Him (Eph. 2:19–22). So why is it so hard for us to treat our community like a family? Most of us have a sibling or close relative we've disagreed with or been hurt by. Yet even despite that hurt, most families still find a way to gather around the table. In my own life, I have a sister who can often drive me bonkers, but you’d better believe I’d still claim her! If the family analogy doesn’t resonate with you, picture children on the playground. Even in perfect conditions, it usually doesn’t take long for kids to find something to disagree on. That said, they’re resilient. They quickly find a solution, move on, and are best friends again in just a matter of moments. It’s truly impressive.
Somewhere down the line, there came this confusion about the church being held to a higher standard. Yes, we should be held to a standard—however, it’s not what most of us think. The church is and always will be full of sinners who need a Savior. Our call, though, is to hold each other accountable in a manner that honors the Lord. That means lovingly addressing when we’ve been hurt, gently confronting sin in our community, and ultimately living in unity.
God’s Word refers to this as “bearing with one another” (Col. 3:13). Talk about a higher standard! Make no mistake—your hurt can be very real. And sometimes, even after forgiveness and resolution, boundaries are still healthy and necessary. In some cases, disciplinary action is required, and things can feel messy. But we cannot allow hurt to dictate our commitment to the Christian community. Just like with any semi-functioning family, while there can be pain, there can also be incredible beauty and growth.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
We’re called to spur one another on (Heb. 10:24), to outdo one another in showing honor (Rom. 12:10), and to encourage one another (1 Thess. 5:11). These are all beautiful things we could so easily miss out on if we don’t continually make an effort to resolve our hurt, forgive, and heal.
If you’re currently wrestling with church hurt, I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to guide you to resolution. If you’ve let church hurt pull you away from your community, ask God to heal your wounds and guide you to the right church home. Let the Lord fill those wounds with his deep grace and love. Allow yourself to be uncomfortable in the name of growth and healing. And when church hurt inevitably happens again, remember not to be surprised by sin—but rather to surprise the world with how you respond.
Fight for healing and community. Fight for the family that God has called you to join.
