You Don’t Have to Be Okay to Belong

Faith & CommunityChristian CommunityCommunity & ConnectionChristian LivingForgiveness & Grace
Written By Debora Ayala-Chavez

Your Mess Is What We Want

I saw a post on Instagram recently making fun of how “millennials” used to act in high school. It was embarrassing and very spot on! I laughed and sent it to my middle school bestie because it reminded me so much of myself in my teen years.

I then got to thinking about who I was, or who I thought I was, at that age. I remember I was a size 0 and would never be caught leaving the house without a full face of makeup on. I was very insecure and wanted so badly to fit in and be noticed, known and loved by all the wrong people. It broke my heart to think of my younger self. I wanted so bad to go back in time and hug her and tell her how loved she was and how she didn’t need to do a single thing to earn love and acceptance from the One Who matters the most. (1 John 4:19)

1 John 4:19

We love because he first loved us.

As a parent now, I view the world incredibly different. Things that mattered to me at 18 are almost comical now at 33. I look at my son and pray constantly that he knows who he is in Christ. I pray he never doubts his worth and that he never strives to please people. I look at him and am in awe of how perfect he is, as every parent does to their child! (Psalm 139:14) The most perfect gift. (James 1:17) And then I realize how God must see us! And how He loves us just as we are! (1 John 4:19)

We don’t have to be “made up” all the time to be loved and known by Him and a true community. I was catching up with a friend recently and we talked for an hour on the phone sharing how the first 10 months of the year had panned out for us. Lows, highs, everything in between, but the best part was neither one of us felt alone! I thanked her for her vulnerability and honesty with her struggles because I felt seen and understood with my own struggles. And even though life will continue to bring troubles, until we reach Heaven, we know Jesus has overcome for us! (John 16:33)

I will be honest, this type of community and friendship has taken me years to find and accept. For years during my young adult life, I convinced myself I didn’t need to have true community with people. I thought surface level relationships were more than enough. At arms length I didn’t have to worry about anyone getting to know the real me. I could put on a face, like my teenage self was so used to, and pretend to be okay all the time. But God convicted me and showed me that true Godly friendships and community didn’t want perfection, they wanted my mess because they had their own too! (Ecclesiastes 4:10) and what an honor it is to get to walk alongside other believers and encourage one another in the losses and rejoice in the wins! (Galatians 6:2) I’m so thankful for my mess because it has brought me closer to Him and the most beautiful friendships that love me as I am. (1 John 4:11)

I’d like to leave you with a little challenge today, friend. If you’re not plugged into your church yet, join a Sunday school class or small group or introduce yourself to someone new! Community takes effort but is always worth the time! (Romans 12:5)

Debora Ayala-Chavez

Debora is a full-time working wife and mama who believes her first and most sacred ministry is within the four walls of her home. She currently works in operations for a wealth management company, balancing her corporate role with early mornings, packed lunches, and after-dinner dishes. Though she dreams of one day stepping into homeschooling and ministry full-time, she is faithfully showing up in the season God has placed her in, trusting that He is writing something beautiful in the waiting.

Writing has been a part of Debora’s life since elementary school, and journaling for the past ten years has helped her see God’s faithfulness across every season. Whether she is folding laundry, wiping counters, or whispering prayers over her family, she feels closest to God in the small, often unseen spaces. Her favorite verse, Esther 4:14, reminds her that even now, she is where she is for a reason.

When she is not chasing after her superhero-cape-wearing three-year-old or binge-watching competition shows with her husband, you can find Debora trying new recipes (she is currently learning to bake bread), doting on her cat, or strolling the aisles of Target. Her hope through every word she writes is that someone would feel seen and deeply loved by God, even in the middle of heartbreak, and remember that they too were created for such a time as this.

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