Confession not perfection
WHY VULNERABILITY MATTERS IN SISTERHOOD
I remember learning about the theory of Dunbar’s Number in college, which states that the average person can comfortably maintain about 150 stable social relationships. Dunbar went on to say that within that 150, a person typically has a core group of 5 very close friends, 15 good friends, and 50 casual acquaintances. As I reflect on these numbers, I can’t help but think about the friendships I’ve had throughout the seasons of my life: childhood friends, friends with who I navigated those awkward teen years, my college “support group” for student teaching survival, friends I’ve served in ministry with, and, of course, those friends who have been closest to me.
Friendships are one of the most rewarding and complex relationships we can experience in life. They are usually formed based on common interests, mutual respect, and emotional connection. As I think about the different friendships I have made in the above-mentioned list, I can’t help but think about how many of those relationships still exist and how many don’t. Some have held strong for decades, but so many others have faded, waned, or merely ended, due to moving away, career changes, or simply growing apart. What makes a friendship flourish? What are the foundations that deepen the connection and make it resilient, even in the face of challenges?
“What makes a friendship flourish?”
As I consider my closest and longest-standing friendships, one facet rises to the surface: vulnerability. In today’s world, many may view vulnerability as weakness, but in the context of Christian friendship, it’s not only vital—it’s Christlike. Jesus modeled vulnerability in its purest form. He wept openly, voiced anger, expressed anguish, and shared His innermost feelings with His disciples. His vulnerability wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was a bridge to deeper intimacy and trust. In friendships, vulnerability is about being open and honest with each other—sharing our fears, hopes, insecurities, and struggles. It’s showing up as our true selves without the masks we often hide behind. As sisters-in-Christ walking together in faith, we’re not called to pretend we have it all together. We’re called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), lift each other up in prayer (James 5:16), speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), and sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). How can we truly do any of that if we’re not honest about our struggles and shortcomings? Vulnerability strengthens the bonds within friendship, fostering support, encouragement, and accountability.
Jesus modeled vulnerability in its purest form. He wept openly, voiced anger, expressed anguish, and shared His innermost feelings with His disciples.
Don’t get me wrong, being vulnerable is no easy feat. It’s risky. I can remember times in the past when I shared something personal with someone who did not keep my confidence to themselves…as we all have probably experienced at some point in our lives. Discovering that your trust has been misplaced is infinitely hurtful and difficult to recover from. Through life lessons and the love and tenderness of a wonderfully faithful God, I knew that clamming up and keeping people emotionally at arm’s length was much more damaging than the original betrayal of trust I may have experienced. God wants His children to be vulnerable because it reminds us of our need to depend on Him, and my vulnerability is intended to be healing for ME, not my listener. He didn’t want me to abandon my efforts to connect authentically with others. So I didn’t.
God wants His children to be vulnerable because it reminds us of our need to depend on Him, and my vulnerability is intended to be healing for ME, not my listener.
The truth is, He always knows what’s best for us and brings the right people into our lives at the right time. When connections happen organically and “you know that you know,” it’s a life-changing, beautiful thing. I just LOVE when that happens! You could be sitting at a table having dinner with a few friends, and one person shares a “naked truth” and bravely opens up about something in their lives, setting off a chain reaction and you know God is bringing you together for a reason. The spiritual kinship, source of strength and joy, and shared love of God at the heart of your friendship creates a space to grow, love, encourage, support, and thrive.